This weekend the Premier League had more rumbles than WrestleMania. At the end of it, Erling Haaland reigned supreme, shirt off, nipples out, marching around triumphant to the sound of Avicii’s “Oooh sometimes, I get a good feeling.”

What did this weekend teach us? Kids, don’t have hope. Or dreams. They are for suckers. Stay in your lane. Don’t have any ambition, which can only lead to failure and humiliation. Arsenal aimed for the quadruple. Now Manchester City could be top after they face Burnley on Wednesday – an agony of aspiration that is being mocked by that City fan and his Arsenal bottle filled with water and bants. (BTW, how fitting that when United have that hair guy, City choose to go bald…) 🩵

ii. The Everton derby loss. I broke it down here. Mo Salah scoring against us was the least shocking thing ever. The only thing that was surprising there was that he managed to repress the urge to take his shirt off. What did the 99-minute, 54-second Virgil winner teach us? That the ghost of Origi looms forever over this game. Liverpool scoring six times after the 90th minute to win this one made the goal feel almost expected. Also this: You cannot change who you are. Different managers. Different players. Different times. Same old agony. 🫠

iii. Tottenham are in a true darkness. If West Ham win today against a no doubt still hungover Crystal Palace, they could be four points adrift from safety. I ache for them. Xavi Simons played the game of his season, then made the most rookie error as he celebrated a wonder strike he mistakenly thought was the winner. Fourth time this year Spurs have taken their shirt off, gotten a yellow card then failed to hold onto the lead. I think scientists call it the Richarlison rule: Never take your shirt off too early. 

Cheer up: This is Hamburg fans’ entrance to their derby against Bremen. I appreciate this stagecraft so much. 🎇

iv. Huge love to Pellegrino Matarazzo. The 48-year-old New Jerseyan who became the first American coach to win a trophy in a top European league after Real Sociedad defeated Atlético Madrid on penalties in the Copa del Rey final. The Italian was born in Wayne, N.J., studied mathematics at Columbia, moved to Europe in search of a professional playing career and ended up as a coach in Germany. He was hired by Sociedad back in December when the Basque club was two points above the relegation zone. He led them back to safety and then on a dazzling title run in the Copa in what he called “an unbelievable journey.” 

American coaching is the last backwater in our domestic game. It will not improve until more coaches walk in Matarazzo and Jesse Marsch’s footsteps and test themselves by taking apprenticeships in Europe and grinding their way up the elite coaching ladder. The number of voices now calling for him to be the next USMNT manager misread the truth: that what Pellegrino achieves as a club manager will really define his career and is so much bigger than international football. May this trophy be the first of many for him, and those bold enough to follow him. 🇺🇸

More: “Don’t turn back, don’t give up.” Matarazzo on what the win means to him, his family and everyone who’s supported him.

v. And now, a few fantastic goals (or near goals) from the weekend that you might’ve missed:

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 First, in the Premier League, where Leeds’ James Justin landed this beauty of an overhead kick as his team decimated Wolves 3-0.

🇺🇲 Timo Werner scored in a Grateful Dead kit. And no, that's not a "Mad Libs," it’s just MLS in 2026.

🇮🇹 Lastly, watch this save and prepare to be AMAZED. What an incredible stop by Sassuolo’s Stefano Turati against Como golden boy, Nico Paz. Perfetto.

vi. I am flying to Minneapolis to film with James Rodriguez, then headed to Washington D.C. to crown the winner of our Soccer Bar of the Year award, Ireland’s Four Courts in Arlington, Va. Clint Dempsey will be with me as we tape a live show with fans at that incredible institution. I can’t wait to be there and have a pint with so many of you. It is what life is about.

Also: Amazing to be with all who came to our live show in Tampa. What a proper football city. To be up there on stage listening to the iconic Alan Shearer talk about his life was to feel truly blessed. Watch that here.

As a reminder for next month: Philly, we’re coming to you on May 12 for Men in Blazers Live from Philly, presented by Verizon. We have some very special guests lined up for a night of making memories through football. Come raise a glass with us. Then we head to Dallas on May 20 for the Countdown Tour presented by Bank of America, the Official Bank of U.S. Soccer and the FIFA World Cup 2026™. Tickets for that one are here. 🍻

vii. Lastly, we have Arsenal’s William Saliba coming on this week. Send us your serious questions for him. 🤔

Courage,
ROG

P.S. This stat belongs in a museum. 😱

By Tommy Stewart and Jacob Schneider

Manchester City 2-1 Arsenal

The two minutes of first-half madness that elevated this potential title-decider from a nervy 0-0 to a manic 1-1 was Premier League cinema at its finest. First Rayan Cherki, the naughty schoolboy his manager has a soft spot for, produced some singular brilliance to put Manchester City ahead, before Kai Havertz charged down Gianluigi Donnarumma to silence all but Arsenal’s away fans in the Etihad. The Italian giant and his trusty sidekick, the woodwork, compensated for his mistake as City escaped relentless waves of attack from the Gunners, but the decisive battle of the day was between heavyweights, Erling Haaland and Gabriel. They butted heads like giant rams, grappled like footballing kaijus, before the Brazilian shredded the Norwegian's shirt while somehow remaining on the pitch. Haaland won the war, though, scoring the winner after another tussle between the two that planted City’s title hopes firmly in the sand.

Manchester City Feel Inevitable… 📈

In his 18-year managerial career, Pep Guardiola has never gone consecutive seasons without winning a league title, a telling and terrifying stat that must be etched in Mikel Arteta’s mind. But after winning nothing in 2024/25, and at times lacking identity this season, rumors of his demise were greatly exaggerated. New signings Marc Guéhi, Antoine Semenyo, Donnarumma and Cherki now seem like stalwarts, and the spine of City 3.0 under the Catalonian genius has started to formulate. The old guard are hungrier than ever, too, and while few players bow out with a fairytale ending, it feels that ahead of Bernardo Silva’s exit at the end of the season, both fate and Haaland are grinning on Guardiola's most loyal soldier.

…While Arsenal’s World Collapses 📉

If you’d told Arteta that by this stage of the season, his Arsenal side would be leading the Premier League as they prepare for a Champions League semifinal against Atlético Madrid, he’d have bitten your hand off. But context is everything, and the circumstances surrounding their current position must feel like a recurring nightmare with the month of April as their sleep paralysis demon. The Gunners played well yesterday and tried to take the game to City in their own back yard, but the repetitive psychological pattern of three years spent in second place seems to be getting the best of them at clutch time. His old master’s side are now three points behind them with a game in hand and have what should be a cakewalk against a downtrodden Burnley on Wednesday.

Tottenham 2-2 Brighton

With an artful first-half assist on Saturday and a screamer that he thought was the winner, Xavi Simons played like the fabled wonderkid of European football Spurs fans were promised, putting himself in the shop window just in time for his team’s potential relegation. Roberto De Zerbi’s side couldn’t hold their nerve after either goal though, conceding to a typical Kaoru Mitoma worldie just before half time, followed by an act of self-sabotage in the 95th minute via Kevin Danso’s mental capitulation in his own box. No matter your allegiances, the gut punch pain that permeated through the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium after Georginio Rutter’s late goal punished Danso was uncomfortably heartbreaking. Tottenham are without a victory in 15, which is the longest winless streak of any Premier League side, and with a horrible run-in to come, De Zerbi must feel like he’s taken the wheel of the Titanic after it’s hit the iceberg.

More: Take a moment to listen to this. No one does it like Peter Drury.

Chelsea 0-1 Manchester United

Alejandro Garnacho inevitably became a leading character in this fixture after Estêvão’s early hamstring injury reintroduced the Argentine to his former colleagues, who were baying for blood. After failing to remind Manchester United fans what they’re missing, it made it even sweeter that his direct replacement, Matheus Cunha, scored the winner. The Brazilian’s been a generational iOS upgrade, but it was architect Bruno Fernandes who constructed the goal, taking his assist tally to 18 for the season, just two behind Thierry Henry and Kevin De Bruyne’s joint PL record. Chelsea have lost four league games in a row without scoring for the first time since 1998, and manager Liam Rosenior seems less welcome at the club than Pat McAfee in WWE. Meanwhile, since Michael Carrick took charge of United, they’ve won more points than anyone else in the league: what more does he have to do to secure the job permanently?

More: This stat about Chelsea’s Rosenior era really, really says it all.

Aston Villa 4-3 Sunderland

Not just the best match of the weekend, but maybe even a top-five candidate for the whole season, this seven-goal thriller had it all. Both teams found the back of the net inside the opening 10 minutes, and from there, it was an out-and-out brawl. Ollie Watkins had a brace before halftime, and Morgan Rogers made it 3-1 just seconds into the final 45, but it was the last few minutes of the match where chaos properly introduced itself to the contest. The Black Cats scored twice in the closing stages of regulation, but Villa refused to back down. An in-swinger from Lucas Digne found Tammy Abraham, and the Premier League veteran flicked it into the back of the net as Villa Park erupted. Seven total goals, and an absolute nail-biter – Arteta could never imagine an attack like this.

Elsewhere in the Premier League: Everton 1-2 Liverpool, Brentford 0-0 Fulham, Leeds 3-0 Wolves, Newcastle 1-2 Bournemouth, Nottingham Forest 4-1 Burnley

🇪🇸 La Liga: Pellegrino Matarazzo is the most beloved man in the Basque Country right now. The New Jersey-born manager became the first American to win a European trophy as Real Sociedad defeated Atlético Madrid in a penalty shootout after a 2-2 draw to lift the Copa del Rey. Sociedad scored just 14 seconds into the game, setting the tone early, and from there it was “One Battle After Another” until the final whistle. When Matarazzo took over in December, they were just two points clear of the relegation zone, and now, they’re domestic cup champions.

🇮🇹 Serie A: Cristian Chivu’s Inter Milan walloped Cagliari 3-0, meaning the title is still in the hands of the Nerazzurri and it’s theirs to lose with a 12-point lead at the top of the standings. Antonio Conte’s Napoli and Cesc Fàbregas’s Como, meanwhile, were both upset with defeats at the weekend, leaving second through fourth firmly up for grabs. Teams are all level on matches played, and with just eight points separating the six clubs vying for those coveted UCL spots, the race is very much on.

🇩🇪 Bundesliga: Bayern Munich claimed their 13th Bundesliga title in the past 14 years, with Canada’s Alphonso Davies’ first strike of the season ending up being the game-winner in a 4-2 result over Stuttgart. The Bavarian giants are once again the kings of Germany, and Harry Kane’s goal tally is up to 51 on the season. Proper celebrations are set to follow, but Vincent Kompany’s side still have larger ambitions this year – so the over-flowing steins and lederhosen will have to wait for now.

More: Bayern can thank a cockatoo (???) for their title, apparently.

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Crystal Palace vs. West Ham (TODAY, 3 p.m. ET, USA)

Thanks to Tottenham’s unshakable Spursiness on Saturday, West Ham had a good weekend without kicking a ball, but with Leeds and Nottingham Forest winning, Nuno Espírito Santo’s side must take all three points to put daylight between themselves and the drop zone. Although Crystal Palace are resting most of their hopes on European glory, in the Premier League they’re also quietly blossoming, with two wins and one draw in their last three matches. 

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Brighton vs. Chelsea (Tuesday, 3 p.m. ET, USA)

Clearlake will be scouting Chelsea’s summer signings in this one, as Liam Rosenior’s Blues look to end a four-match skid in the Premier League. Reassuringly, though, the London club will come into this one knowing talisman Cole Palmer is still committed to the project and he himself has the mindset to end the campaign on a high note. Brighton, slayers of Tottenham’s hopes and dreams, are unbeaten in six of their last seven and are one of the hottest teams in the league at the moment. If the Blues want to clinch a UCL spot, they’re nearing must-win territory.

🇮🇹 Inter Milan vs. Como: Agg. 0-0 (Tuesday, 3 p.m. ET, Paramount+)

Nine days after Inter Milan came from two down to pretty much secure the Scudetto in a 4-3 epic at Cesc Fàbregas’ overachieving Como, the Lombardy neighbors will reunite in the Coppa Italia semifinal. The first leg in early March was a cautious 0-0 arm wrestle, meaning the two most fluid attacking teams in Italy have no choice but to go for the jugular at the San Siro tomorrow. Come for the end-to-end football, stay for Fabregas and Cristian Chivu’s magnificent jawlines and hair. 

This week’s question: With Harry Kane up to 50 Bayern Munich goals for the year, aside from Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo, which three other players in the last decade have hit over half a century for their club in one season?

Email us with your answer for a chance to win a much-coveted MiB patch!

Last week’s winner: Congratulations to last week’s winner Kevin Carr, who was the first to correctly answer that Divock Origi and Georginio Wijnaldum were the two players who scored braces when Liverpool beat Barcelona 4-0 at Anfield in 2019’s epic semifinal comeback. Your patch is in the post, Kevin!

👋 We’ll see you on Wednesday. In the meantime, keep sending your stories and questions to [email protected].

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